The Tears of a Snake
by The Devil's Shadow
Summary: This is a one-shot about Snape's childhood, his feelings for Lily, and his feelings for Harry. First one-shot so it isn't that good but hope you like it anyway.


The Tear's of a Snake

The Tears of a Snake

By: The Devil's Shadow

Looking back now, I sometimes wonder why I was born. Why I had to be the kid who had to hide in the corner, tears staining my cheeks, while I watched my stupid parents fight. It was like that for so long, me just hiding, wishing they would stop shouting and just love each other like a real mother and father were supposed to. And why did they beat me? I had done nothing wrong, so why did they shout at me and jinx me with the spells I wish I had known?

I remember how I used to stay away from my house for hours at a time, even days. But of course, my parents would beat me the moment I got back, but at that time, I didn't really care.

I knew I had been strange the moment I was born, knew that I would be different from the other kids. I was pretty smart that way. I could do things that others couldn't. I could move things with my mind, make things do whatever I wanted, and cause someone pain, sometimes unintentionally. I found out later in life, from my parents, that I was a wizard, and that I had to be careful what I did with my magic or else people from what they called the Ministry of Magic would do terrible things to me. And I could vaguely remember them saying that if I once crossed the line, they would disown me and throw me out in the streets. I actually thought that would be better then living with them, but of course I didn't say that out loud.

But back to me not caring about being beaten…yeah I didn't care, and it was all because of that one beautiful girl. Lily Evans.

I used to watch her swing on the swings, tossing her beautiful red hair behind her as she giggled to her stupid prat of a sister, Petunia I think her name was…

Anyway, back to Lily. She was the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her hair shone in the sun, her green eyes always had some sort of twinkle, and her smile, to me, would bring a puppy back to life. But that was only part of the reason why I would watch…or more correctly, spy on her. I could tell she was just like me; sometimes when she was playing in her garden by herself, she would wave her finger and plants would instantly sprout. I even saw her make her dog levitate once.

I wished I could talk to her, but I knew that like the other kids, she would think of me as the greasy-haired freak who liked to spy on other kids. Well…mostly her but still. And besides, there were never any chances to talk to her in private. She was always with her sister, or surrounded by her many friends, or being adored by her parents. I remember how I used to envy her; why couldn't my parents love me like hers did?

But it all worked out in the end. I finally got to talk to Lily Evans. Of course her sister was there, and I could tell as I told Lily what she was, that Petunia understood exactly what I was talking about, even when I tried to only make it obvious Lily. At first I thought Lily hated me, because she gave me such a hateful look and then ran off with her sister, but then the next day, she found me and asked me with an excited look in her eyes to tell her more about the wizarding world.

And so I told her everything I could, about the school we would be going to when we came of age, how we would be able to use magic lawfully when we turned seventeen, and about some of the magical creatures my parents had told me about. I told her about Dragons and Hinkypunks, real live sphinxes, werewolves, merpeople, and many others. I could clearly remember her bright expression and excitement as she heard about these creatures. She didn't even sound scared when I told her about dementors.

What surprised me is that she found me asked me every day to tall her more, and even when I had nothing else to say, we would talk about…anything. What was funny to me was that she even thought her own sister was a prat. We also practiced our magic together; nothing too advanced, like major spells that would definitely get the ministry of magic to come after us, but magic that kids who didn't know about their own powers did. Except of course we knew, and practiced until we had complete control over what we did.

For the first time I was truly happy. I had found a friend who didn't call me the greasy-haired kid and throw rocks at me, or call me dirty names and swear at me. I found someone who shared something I did.

A few years passed, fleetingly to me, and Lily and I were on our way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And that was the first time I saw him.

God how I hated those dark eyes, that ruffled jet black hair, that foolish smile. James Potter, the most popular boy on the train, and he hadn't even started school yet. Evidently, most of the girls just found him attractive, and many of the students had heard his talent at Quidditch, even though no one had seen him play. He was just a stupid stuck-up prat, was what I thought. But what I hated about him most was the look he gave Lily.

School started out bad for me though. My mother had told me that I had better be in Slytherin, one of the houses where clever dark wizards were mostly born, and I even hoped that I would end up in their. And I hoped that Lily would be there too; she was pretty clever. But unfortunately, the moment the Sorting Hat touched her head, it shouted "Gryffindor!"

The House where James Potter had been sorted into.

We saw less of each other after that; we barely had any classes together. But we still talked to each other at lunch and whenever we had time, the grounds. But we were starting to become less…close.

I had made a couple of friends in my Slytherin House, and Lily didn't like them at all, only because they used Dark magic. I tried to tell her so many times that they were only fooling around, sometimes to get back at people, and that James Potter used spells to bully kids (mostly me) with his best friend Sirius. And although Lily didn't like Potter (thank goodness) she still believed that what they were doing was different than from what my friends were doing.

Our discussions usually led to fierce and loud arguments that caused many people to stare, and I would feel so annoyed at her and her at me, that we wouldn't talk for days. But we would eventually make up, and then argue again. The periods of silent treatment grew longer and longer, and I grew so annoyed about the way she treated my friends, that one day, I had such a huge argument with her, that I accidentally called her a mudblood. I remember the look on her face as she stalked away, and we didn't talk to each other at all after that. I tried, but she refused to listen. Our friendship died, and I grew so angry and distressed that whenever she would pass by me, I would call her rude names, or not even look at her.

And I was so embarrassed the day James hung me from my ankle and let everyone see my underpants, that even after Lily stood up for me, I yelled that I didn't need her help, and called her a mudblood. Again.

She never looked at me after that, or didn't even acknowledge that she even knew me.

And then in our seventh year, she did the thing she told me that she would never in her entire life do. She went out with James. Pig-headed, so-called Quidditch superstar James. This made me so mad; I jinxed her in the hall, causing ugly tentacles to sprout over her face and arms. I immediately felt bad after though, after seeing her cry as she was escorted to the infirmary.

School finished, and me and Lily still hadn't made up. And with everything that I had said and done, I didn't think we ever would. After school, we went our separate ways, and didn't see each other at all.

Happy, though, at my talent for the Dark Arts, and the urge to show everyone, I joined Lord Voldemort as a Death Eater. But that wasn't the main reason why I joined, only one. I was a spy for Dumbledore.

I took up a post at Hogwarts as the Potions teacher, something I had also been good at when I was at school. I was to be a spy for Voldemort, to bring The Dark Lord information about Dumbledore. You could say I double-crossed the double-crossed. For many years I gave Voldemort information, learning Legilimency so he couldn't read my mind and find, that I was actually completely loyal to Dumbledore. I was a pretty good actor; I've always been good at composing my expressions and feelings.

And then I heard the news that nearly stopped my heart. Lily Evans was no longer Lily Evans. She was Lily Potter. She had married James Potter, and had had a son, whom she named Harry. I could hardly believe it. Lily had hated James for so long and suddenly they were in wedded bliss! Why couldn't it have been me, I couldn't help but think, to have put that wedding ring on her finger, and to kiss her jewel-red lips? Why couldn't it be my son that was now happily being held in Lily's arms? I could remember the jealously I felt; it was as if molten lava was flowing through my veins and my heart was aflame. Lily Evans was never mine, and she would never be. I actually cried that day, real crystalline tears. I had lost the only girl I ever loved, the only girl that could mend my heart and then break it. I sometimes still wish I never met her.

But I told myself over and over that I wouldn't hold it against Lily. She had made her choice, and I had never done anything to make her have any feelings for…Snivellus. Besides, I probably wouldn't even see her again, so there was no point opening old wounds again.

Except for that night, the night where Voldemort announced that he was going to kill a certain baby because of some prophecy. And why, why did it have to be Lily's son? Oh how I begged, begged for her life. I couldn't have Lily die, she was too important to me, even if she hated me with her all. How I hate love.

Voldemort agreed to spare her; his main target was the baby only. But he swore to me in his cold voice that anyone who got in his way would be dealt with. No exceptions. I had nothing to say to this; surely Lily would value her life enough to not argue with the Dark Lord himself?

But obviously she didn't, for the news came to me the next day. Lily and James Potter were dead, and Harry Potter was alive and currently staying at his relative's house. And Voldemort had disappeared.

I was devastated. Lily was dead, and for the sake of her son and husband. Had she really loved them that much? What about me? Had she wondered how I would feel if she died? But I guessed, after a while, that even if she did, she probably thought that I didn't even care. Lily…my sweet Lily was gone…never to return. And I hadn't even apologized.

Years passed, and many things had changed. Peace was restored, many of the Death Eaters were put into Azkaban, and a new year of Hogwarts had started. Of course there was the sorting of the new first years, and you probably know the shock I felt when I heard Professor McGonagall called, "Harry Potter!"

He looked exactly like his father, the same untidy black hair, and face, and even height when James was eleven. Except his eyes, they were a beautiful emerald green. Like Lily's.

I felt a strong hatred toward him, a loathing if you would call it. He was just like his father in so many ways, acting like he was the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts, being the boy who lived, the 'Chosen One', the excellent Quidditch player, the one destined to stop Voldemort again after his rise from power, and Dumbledore's favorite student. He was arrogant, with an attitude, and liked to play the hero. God how I hated every inch of him. He didn't seem to have any of Lily in him. I watched over him through his years of school, unknowingly to him doing everything I could to protect him. I wouldn't let anything happen to Lily's son, no matter how much I loathed the boy.

But now, after seven years, I've realized something. I never truly hated Harry Potter. I hated the fact that he was James and Lily's son, and not mine and Lily's. To me, Harry was the symbol to what I had came close to, and what I had let slip through my fingertips. He was the symbol of the love I had lost, and the heart that had never been truly mended.

And as I lay here, gazing into those emerald eyes that were so much like Lily's, handing her only son a bottle filled with my cherished memories of her, and my memories with Dumbledore, my strength slowly fading as the black wave of death washed toward me, I felt a rush of affection for the boy that could have been my son. I prayed, as my eyesight failed, that he would live to be happy, and not make the mistakes I did.

And then I faded into the light.

I thought that I would be heading straight to the gates of Hell, after all of the things I've done and deaths I caused, and yet I awoke in a place filled with light. And there she was, her red hair flowing, her smile as sweet as ever. Next to her was James, and to my surprise he was smiling. And together, they both held out their hands.

"Welcome Severus."

I smiled and felt tears fall slowly. The tears of a snake.

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A/N Okay I know it wasn't that good. This is my first one-shot so don't blame me if it's bad. I was re-reading Harry Potter for the billionth time and decided to write this about Snape, who I find awesome. I cried when he died. So…if you ever hated Snape, I hope this changes your mind a little. Thanks for reading and please review!

The Devil's Shadow


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